parenting in the first trimester || kind of a joke

Oct 5, 2014

Or lack thereof. Clearly I am no stranger to pregnancy symptoms. What I am a stranger to is taking care of three toddlers....while experiencing pregnancy symptoms. I wish I could sit here and say that the first trimester was just so great, I mean ya I was tired, but you know all around not too bad. Bullshit! I am not one for the sugar coating of motherhood, so the first trimester of this fourth pregnancy was nothing short of the depths of hell. I spent probably 96.4% of my day in the fetal position on the couch. The rest of the day you could probably find me kneeling ever so gracefully over the toilet. Yes, it was that bad. Every single day from week 5 to 13. I thought Avalon's pregnancy started out a little rough, but what is that saying? Things can always get worse, well yes, yes they can. 
If my children possessed the literacy skills they could most definitely write a book about "What to expect from your mother in the first trimester....Nothing!". And it would be true, I was completely worthless as a human being. My children learned a lot about independence in those few weeks. So shall I share some scenarios with you? 

During the first few weeks Chris went to Japan for two weeks, talk about great timing. My all day sickness was in full effect, and my children were also in full effect. Chris asked me to send him a picture of the kids and I sent the one above, to which he replied, "since when do we buy cocoa puffs?" I said, "I have no idea, that is what happens when a pregnant woman throws up in the parking lot and then takes three kids shopping. They did the shopping, I swiped the card." And it was true. All I was good for was the cart pushing. They had the best time is all I can remember. 

Potty training who? Pierce went from doing pretty okay at potty training, to just peeing on everything. Considering that I couldn't stand the smell of any bodily fluid, it made it hard to keep up with a bladder the size of an olive. He spent a lot of time in pull-ups since he can easily put those on. I would always hear from my perch on the couch, "MOM PIERCE PEED ON THE FLOOR AGAIN". I would cringed and then wrap a towel around my face in order to tackle the mess. We went through a lot of carpet cleaner! 

Cooking! Nada! My children ate the weirdest array of foods when I wasn't cooking regular meals. I could not stand the smell of any food. Warming them things up in the microwave would take almost an hour because I would have to run for my life the second I caught a whiff of something. I will never forget one morning when I could smell one of my neighbors grilling something. I texted Chris to say "I am five seconds away from calling the cops on whoever is grilling spam at 8am". He replied with "please tell me you realize you're completely out of your mind". The answer is no Christopher I do not see it that way (even though I should). 

Call in the hazmat crew! My house was disgusting! There is no way around it, I didn't clean for weeks. The laundry pile in my room was halfway up the wall!! I managed to do the kids' laundry, but my own, no, Chris' not a chance. And when I got really desperate I ordered things online (shameful). One day one of Chris' friends from work stopped by to pick something up, this is someone who is at my house regularly for a cup of coffee. He came to the door and I immediately said "you can't come in" he was like "uh is everything okay?" I said "just wait here". After he left Chris called and said, so Andy thinks you're nuts. Ha! But that is how messy my house was. I finally remedied the situation with some outside help. 

Personal hygiene. I am embarrassed for myself on this one. I had no energy to get in the shower. It just seemed like so much work. Not to mention in one of my nausea induced rages I threw out all my shower products, the smells people! I would wait until Chris got home, no matter how late it was, even if he had to wake me from a smelly slumber to just sit in the shower. One night he came home and said, "why don't you go soak in a bath", I said "I smell that bad huh?" he said " let's just say you look like you have been on a month long binger". 

There was just no hope during those 8 weeks. Ace would tell people "this baby makes my mom kind of weird". When I went to my eight week OB appointment he asked me, how are you feeling? I said " like shit that got ran over by a semi". My midwife said, oh good that's what we like to hear, the sicker you are the healthier the baby. So I am giving birth to superman or superwoman! They offered me things to help with the nausea and insomnia, but I tend to go super au naturel when it comes to pregnancy. It would take me too long to explain the complexity that is my thought process. But we made it. All children are alive!! We are re-potty training Pierce. Chris is going to work in clean underwear. I shower more regularly, and we have scented candles back in the casa de crazy! 

Trust me I know this is not really that bad compared to what some women experience during pregnancy, and I am super happy that baby and I are healthy and in a more functioning state. But that is the crazy thing about pregnancy and labor, you kind of forget about all the intensity because the end result is so damn wonderful. 

So tell me, what was your first trimester like? If you are on the multiple kid train like myself were your first trimesters different? All of mine have had a mind of their own!



13 comments:

  1. Oh my, this post is spot on in every way and so hysterical. SO glad you're out of that phase now!!

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  2. You are supermom! I'm not even joking.

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  3. Ok is it bad that I was snorting with laughter while reading this?! I'm soooo sorry that you had to go through all of that but I can relate. I was nearly that sick the first trimester with Raina. Any smell of any food...ew. Riggs lived off of yogurt (the squeezy ones, and I could barely grab those from the fridge) and I don't think I ate anything but cereal for 8 weeks straight. I can't imagine what it would have been like with three kids to take care of! You are amazing! xoxo

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    1. Ha! I am totally laughing now when Chris will bring something up that I said or did in that vulnerable state, and I'm like "no way I didn't do that". But you are in full blown survival mode!

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  4. I know I shouldn't laugh at you because that just isn't kind but this was so relatable and funny. And it happens and now you are on the flip side and everyone has survived. So. Pat on the back from me to you. ;)

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  5. ugh I feel ya! With Maddie I didn't clean, the smell of pledge made me vomit and the couch was my bff. My neighbor was a french chef though and would make me soups.

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  6. This post was so hilarious. I had to read it to my grandmother and she just chucked and applauded your decline of any aid for your nausea. Back in her day.. you know ;) Thanks for the update! Glad you guys are doing well!

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  7. So I'm gonna go ahead and call another girl for you guys!! Haha! Jk, I don't know how true that is but it does seem like girl pregnancies wreak more havoc during the first trimester! You are so awesome for surviving extreme morning sickness with 3 toddlers, you have definitely earned rights on writing a parenting book if you ever want to!! That picture is so awesome lol, I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better now!!

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  8. Kelsey I was laughing so hard reading this. It made me re live my five pregnancies with all day sickness and how my kids used their " survivor tactics". The last pregnancy came with an added bonus of pytalism and I used a bucket as my personal spittoon. As I hugged my couch cushion we heard a large slosh! One of the kids accidently stepped in the slosh bucket! It was truly a scene right out of a horror movie/ comic book! Glad your feeling better

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  9. I feel like I got lazier with each kid. V I was still in college and doing evening classes after working during the day. No big. With Adri, I only had V so we would nap together. This time around, the worst part was while we were hotel living. There were several days where John took the girls so that I could sleep.

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  10. Oh, goodness. And this is why I'm scared to death to have another child. One's enough. ;) You're sense of humor is priceless. I thought I was the only one who hated the first trimester...I hated the third trimester even more though. So glad to have stumbled upon your blog through the #SHINEbloghop. And I hope you're feeling better these days.

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  11. This post was hilarious, start to finish! Thank you for being so real... this is honestly the exact reason why I am so scared of having a second child!! Haha!! from the towel over your face to clean up the pee to the grocery store cocoa puff fiasco, I am peeing my pants laughing!! ! !!

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  12. also.. I must say I am very happy for you that you are out of the first trimester... hopefully things only go up from here ;)

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