venturing out

Apr 27, 2015

Last week I went grocery shopping. That statement alone is shocking. I don't normally do the grocery shopping in this house, it is one form of shopping that I absolutely hate! Chris has told me on many occasions that I'm not very good at it either. How can one be good at grocery shopping? Well, for me I don't look at prices, no per serving, per ounce, whatever business. I just try and go as fast as humanly possible to get the things I know off hand, no list. See....poor shopping etiquette. Although I will go to Costco any day of the week because that is kind of like a grown up playground. 

So getting back on topic here, I went to the store....with all four kids! This is the first time it has happened since having Odette. Also to be noted this was Odette's first time out in a public place, other than hiking and car rides to and from preschool. Yep, I'm that crazy lady that hoards her baby's inside for as long as possible. I didn't take Ace out until he was three months old!! First kid....we've all seen the commercials. But, Chris was in the field for a couple days last week and we were running low on bananas and granola bars (two things that will start riots if not found in the kitchen). I decided to put on my big girl pants and just do this. I mean I have taken three kids just about everywhere with me, I managed to take them places all nine months of being pregnant, surely I was just being a wuss. It wasn't a matter of if I could to it, but how? Logistically speaking. Ace walk, Pierce walk, Avalon  usually in the cart, and uhhh...the baby? 
So, I thought we will go early in the morning, like early, to where the store will be empty. I can get in and get out without having to stop Pierce from being the stores welcoming committee. Also less people means I can keep track of my gang on foot. See...planning goes into these things now. We loaded up at 8 am, Odette screamed the whole way and then fell asleep. My idea of putting her in the carrier was a bust, no way was I going to wake her up from her slumber. So car seat it was. Avalon didn't want to walk, so I had to carry her in one arm and the car seat on the other. I then told the boys in a very no joke way, "hold hands, do not let go of each other and stay right by me or you will get squished like a bug by a car" death threat parenting is the only way to cross the street. We make it in the store, Avalon goes in the front of the cart, Odette in the bigger part, Ace is right next to me, and Pierce....where is Pierce? Oh yes, he is helping himself to the apples. Guess we will just buy those too. The store was in fact very empty. We were movin...speed walking at its finest. Grabbed the bananas (Pierce's apples), oh but they wanted strawberries, and someone said "mom don't you need avocados?", walking walking walking. Pierce is doing this run ten steps, then walk backwards thing, Ace keeps telling him how annoying he is, Pierce screams at Ace, Avalon tells them to shhhh, baby starts making noises, I start sweating. Can we please just make it to the other side of the store because I think we might need eggs too? Ace asks if we can grab some apple juice, sure why not? Pierce turns the aisle into his personal pool and starts diving on the floor. I bribe him with some chocolate if he will just ride on the side of the cart....he took the bait for all of 3 minutes. We grab eggs, and some mini bagels because Ace thought those were just "cute". A nice lady in the aisle says "wow quite the handful you have", wow never heard that one before. To the check out or bust we go people. 
One checkout lane open and the lady says "so which one of you is Pierce?" I looked confused, Pierce said "I am", she replied "well I heard your mom say your name quite a few times". Oh great! I am unloading things, didn't we only come for bananas? Oh shit the granola bars!! Surely we can make it without them right? The nice man bagging our groceries says, "are they all yours?" yes sir, yes they are. He said "you don't even look like you could be out of high school" why thank you....I think? 

Last challenge, get everyone back into the car. We take a couple steps out of those automatic doors and Pierce darts into the street, I yell, Ace yells "you're gunna die!!!" Pierce laughs. A nice passerby er says "boys will be boys". Here we are at the car, but where are my keys? Downside to having a duffel bag size purse is the mysterious depths that your keys can fall to. Odette is now screaming, I am kneeling down taking everything but the seams apart from my bag, Pierce is collecting rocks into his pockets, and Ace is showing his new found five year old attitude saying "you lost them? how can you lose them? This is taking forever. Can I have a granola bar?" WE DON'T HAVE GRANOLA BARS! Oh wait my keys are in my pocket. Load kids, race home, unload groceries. While unloading I notice we bought fruit loops, pop tarts, and a lunchable. Who the hell bought this stuff? Me. I did. Neither one of the boys is admitting to putting it in the cart, but they were excited to eat it. 

I gave them some advice, next time you want to get a lunchable....please grab three. The fighting that happened over just one was enough to make me not go to the store ever again. 

I am just sticking with Target!

10 comments:

  1. Lol... you are a brave woman! I keep my keys on a lanyard and hang them around my neck... not to fashionable but I've lost them too many times in my bottomless pit!

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    1. That is actually genius! I have a clip on the inside of my bag that I think I need to start using for this purpose, because....man...ridiculous!

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  2. Oh this story made me snicker. And also sweat right along with you. I prefer for many reasons to just be hermit for as long as possible. And how did you even fit all the groceries in the cart w the carrier!? It's such a tight squeeze!

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  3. Haha oh man! You are super mom for sure!

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    1. HA! I looked like super crazy in the moment ;)

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  4. Just getting to the store with all four of mine is a task! Then all the stares and random questions make me feel like a circus animal! Yes- I have four kids and yes- they are all mine- and yes- I have a husband! people are WEIRD! lol

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  5. Oh man.....I hate to say this but I laughed the entire time reading this.....thanks for the laughs (at your expense)....lol.

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    1. HAHA! Trust me, I laugh the whole time. There is just nothing else you can do. People probably think I don't take this whole parenting thing seriously, but I just can't help but laugh to mask the insanity. :)

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  6. I'm not going to lie, I peed my pants laughing at this post! You are super mom in my eyes. I can't even get past the idea of having one kid...I know, SO DRAMATIC.

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