emotions were running high

Aug 28, 2015

If I were a betting woman I would tell you that I probably cried more this week than I have in my 28 years on earth. Like ball on the floor, Chris pointing and laughing kind of crying. You seriously would have thought that someone died. No, no, just school started. Which for kindergarten is kind of like one door closing. My child will now be away from me for six hours a day, five days a week. I don't even think I have ever been away from Ace for six straight hours. And if you want the truth....I hate it!!! Like I absolutely effing hate it. I know that all moms need a break, and trust me, when Pierce and Ace are both gone I am actually sitting in my house like, I'm bored. Not that two kids don't still keep me busy. But it is not my normal busy. I like my normal busy. I love my normal chaos. The house is SO much more quiet. If I actually put my mind to it I could probably get a lot done, but I don't. At least this week I didn't. I watched the clock. Contemplated just picking up Ace early everyday. Pierce is only gone a couple hours and if it were up to him he would prefer to be gone much longer. Ace on the other hand just wants to be home, and I want him home.

I feel robbed. Like, it went by way too fast. Five years is just not enough, can't we start kindergarten at like eight? I hate watching him walk in the school doors with his huge over-sized backpack that almost touches the back of his knees. I cringe when I see him begin to turn around and look at me to wave goodbye. The first day I stood there for a minute like.....okay....good joke....you can come back now. Chris was laughing and said "okay seriously I have to go to work, are you just going to stand here till school is over?" and I would have if we didn't go in one car. Chris is used to being away from them for hours, days, weeks, even months at a time. Not that he ever likes it, he hates it. But he knows how to deal with it. 

Me.

Me on the other hand, I'm like a lost little puppy. 

Pierce has reassured me that he will come home everyday to play with me. Thank you Pierce. And if we are really honest, I could easily pull Pierce from preschool and keep him home with me this year. We really only entertained the idea of him going for the social aspect. And the fact that he wanted to be like Ace with the back pack and the new school shoes. I would have no problem keeping him home. 

But Ace is on this whole new adventure! His first year of many many more in school. I know I am being sooooo dramatic! And for moms that have had to drop their kids off at kindergarten, you know what emotions I am talking about. And for moms that have babies or toddlers, you have heard it a million times....it goes by fast. There is not a truer statement. Like lightening speed, and they are off.

And just to add insult to injury, Ace hates it! The first couple days I could tell he was holding in tears as I walked towards him to pick him up. He broke down and said "I missed you so much, and they won't let me leave! I don't like being told what to do, and I don't like being away from you so long." As if I weren't experiencing a whole range of emotions, now he acts like I am torturing him. Begging me to not take him. I mean break my heart and then back over it with a tractor trailer!

How can I go on?

I'll tell you how, because there are little glimmers of hope....I think. 

He did want to tell me about his day. He told me so many times that he missed me, and even looked for me out the window. He said thank you for the little note I left them in his lunch box, and the extra cookies I stuck in there. 

It's scary and emotional, and exciting and worth it. It's one more step in this thing we call parenting. And as much as I hate it (and I really really do), it makes me crave time with them. Quality time with each and every one of them. 




ps: can you tell I'm raising the ultimate mama's boys? Because I am. Italian mothers know no bounds!


14 comments:

  1. Aw, I teared up just reading this. Its a little easier when they love it but when they don't... it just gets ya! Now that Aaron loves his daycare, it helps tremendously, but man, in the beginning, when he would cry when I picked him up.... worst. feeling. ever. EVER.

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  2. Keep him home for another year! Nothing wrong with starting kindergarten at 6. It would give him an advantage for the rest of his school days, emotionally and intellectually. My daughter started kinder last year at 5. It was a rough adjustment and I'm seriously considering having my younger son start a year late. We both work outside the home though, so there are big financial considerations to that. If I was at home all day I would have him start late in a heartbeat.

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    1. We had thought about it just based off of the first couple days. But then him and his younger brother would be in the same class. Friday seemed to be a little better, no tears involved. So I hope we are getting on a good path.

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  3. Poor guy! I hope that as the year goes by that he gets more comfortable, I can only imagine how difficult it is for you.

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    1. I felt so bad for him. But he doesn't like change.....like at all...so I knew he was going to have a hard time. We are letting him call the shots on this one. Just letting him get comfortable at his own pace.

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  4. My oldest started Tuesday. It wasn't as hard as I thought because she's been in preschool for the past 3.5 years, but something about it being Kindergarten made it weird. I guess because I'm not working here, so there's no 'reason' for her to be in school. LOL She had a great day and rattled on and on about her new friends and what they did at school. She's done that everyday this week. Even told me Wednesday that I didn't need to walk her in. (Which is a good thing considering how emotional her 2 yo sister has been about dropping her off, and the new baby coming in the next month or so.)

    It will get better or worse depending on how you look at it. Hugs, Mama!

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    1. Ace went to preschool for two years as well. Only a couple days a week for a few hours, and he really liked it. But this was super new. So we will see how it goes.

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  5. My mom always wrote notes in my lunchbox!

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  6. From one mother to another, I so feel your pain. My daughter suffers from separation anxiety during school. Kindergarten was really rough for us, cried for almost 2 months straight until she started to get used to it. Then after long breaks, it would come back for awhile. We are now starting 2nd grade and its not as bad but still tears and now headaches everyday. Makes me feel helpless. As the school year goes on it gets better tho, I will tell u that. Its so hard and makes me want to homeschool. I was literally depressed when she first started going to school and I have two babies at home so im still busy. This being her 3rd year now in fulltime school I wasn't as depressed on the first day so it does get better. My hope is that one day she comes homes and says I love school. I hope yours does the same.....it makes it so much easier to let them go. First week is the hardest.....hugs!

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    1. Thank you for writing this. I just feel so bad for him. I want him to like school, and feel comfortable there. Hopefully that is what happens as the year goes on and he starts to make more friends.

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  7. Mamas boys are the best kind of boys. And God Kelsey I feared up reading this. I am dreading next week. I'll be there. Something about Letty not eating lunch with me is frightening me. Like an ache. I hate it. Let the kids be small! Let them stay small!!

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  8. Oh my gosh! He is the cutest! Man, I was desperate for V to leave! That Juli though, she's a mama's girl!

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  9. poor mama :( I have two in school and two left at home and I swear I just gave birth yesterday to the first :( sending you hugs

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  10. You are so so sweet. :) I'm sorry that this has been such a rough start for you, mama. I love how he told he missed you and appreciated the note... you're raising him right! :)

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