quick to judge

Aug 17, 2015

You want to know the people that are so quick to judge? Moms. And not just moms being judged....moms judging other moms. It is a crazy phenomenon that I am sure is a tale as old as time. Us moms are always the first ones to divulge pregnancy details, teething secrets, brag about our babies hitting milestones. We are all guilty of it...it's no big thing. What is a big thing, at least for me, is moms judging other moms when their child maybe didn't hit those milestones laid out so bullet point-ly in what to expect in the first year book. 

I'd like to believe that every mom has the very best interest of her children at heart. She is with them, she knows their varying cries. She knows just the right way to comfort them. She knows the rhythm of her sway, bounce, walk movement around the house. She knows her toddlers triggers, favorite tv show, and current food craving. But you want to know what she doesn't know? Someone else's child. 

I will never be one to tell another mom how to do something, or the right way to do something. I can only tell another mom what I did and how it worked for my children, should my advice be asked for. Will it be universal advice? Most certainly not. And of course social media has escalated this mom on mom snarking. I hate when I see people post negative comments on social media based on a picture or video that someone may post. I have to believe that people are smart enough to know that whatever is posted on a blog, instagram, twitter or wherever, is merely a snap in time and not a running documentary. This post is not because I have been personally attacked in some negative way, instead I am going to divulge something that would normally be a cause for concern.....on social media of course. It is more just to put it out there and show that not every child is the exact same. And your two year old is probably nothing like my two year old.

momanddaughter

Avalon didn't start talking till well after her second birthday. Did she make some noises? Yes. Mama, dada, wawa. But no words. I remember with Ace, by 19 months he was doing pretty well in the speech department. The same went for Pierce. I feel like Pierce was probably leaps and bounds ahead of the game because he had an older brother who spoke to him quite clearly. But Avalon? If you were around her for a long period of time you would notice that she was extremely quite. When she wanted something she would point to it. I knew how to communicate with her because I knew her cues. I also have other kids in the house and could easily anticipate what she wanted. With all the kids I have done the same things, read books. Did puzzles and flash cards, all the normal things. Chris and I would even joke in the house that we would be totally okay if Avalon just didn't talk because then she very well couldn't talk back. In a toddler attitude kind of way. Still, she was getting along just fine in the house. And to be honest we were never really concerned. I always just felt, ehh...she's the third born. The baby still. Completely spoiled in every way by every single person in this house. The boys even cater to her every need. 

So, when we went for her two year old well check up, her doctor went over the sixteen page questionnaire (slight exaggeration..maybe?) and we talked about the fact that Avalon just didn't talk. I have to say that our pediatrician is AMAZING!! She is just so down to earth, dry sense of humor just like me, and she just gets it. All medical training aside, she is a mom and knows how it goes. So when I told her that Avalon really has zero interest in talking she said "she looks like she communicates to you just fine". I remember saying ya, but she doesn't taaaaallllkkkkk. She said, "why should she? you do everything for her. she just looks at you and you move". And this is so true. I am a doer, a fixer. I never ask someone to do something that I can very well do myself. This has trickled over to my kids. I just do everything for them. To the point where it is a hindrance. My pediatrician who also specializes in childhood development said, "I have no concern for her, she shows no signs of needing any kind of developmental therapy. She will surprise you one day and you will be amazed at all the words she actually knows". And she was absolutely correct. Months went by and we never heard more than mama and dada from Avalon. Then all of a sudden, and I do mean within a weeks time she just started talking. I will never forget sitting at the kitchen table with Chris and Avalon and in walks Pierce. Avalon stands up and goes "hi perse". Pierce was so surprised he even said "mom mom she said Pierce!!!". And just like that her vocabulary has tripled, probably even quadrupled since then. She repeats everything. Strings sentences together. Has conversations with her brothers about who knows what. 

Point is...she talks. 

But, if you had heard her on a video say a month or two ago you would think differently. You would say, how old is she? And she isn't talking yet? Have you thought about speech therapy? And I would have told you....no. 

All kids develop at their own speed. Even kids within the same household. I would hope that every mom would consult the right source if she was concerned, not social media or the expert doctors at google. I feel like in a day in age where everything is shared, it opens the gates from more judgement and comparison. But if we step back for a second and see that there is a story behind every picture, there maybe more empathy instead of ridicule. 

This could just be a bunch of babble from a mom with a bunch of kids. I just feel so bad for other moms when I see people "talk" about their child. So I figured I would put it out there, just to show that we all don't know everything. 

Just food for thought....

Now I must got break up a fight that is brewing between Pierce and Avalon as she is screaming "NO THAT MY BABY!!"



13 comments:

  1. Adri was like that with talking too. At 25 months she just suddenly would not shut up! I get some flack for Juli not walking yet. Except I hold her all.damn.day. so there's no surprise.. Other moms have tried to reassure me that it's ok or whatever, but I have ZERO concerns. I told the doctor that I hold her all day, and she didn't seem concerned at all. I'm sure she'll surprise me as well and just start running.

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  2. I'm glad you touched on this...mom shaming is well...shameful. Everything from what kind of labor and delivery you had to what you feed your baby and how they sleep. Us mama's need to stick together not judge each other! I didn't even know this was a thing obviously until I had my little but it is kind of disturbing. However, seeing as though you have 4 happy, healthy, alive children, I would consult this blog versus about 90% of people I know haha.

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    1. I was just feeling so awful for a friend and felt like...man...people don't even know the real story here, but they are making up their own conclusion. My mama bear instincts wanted to jump out for her. They say it takes a village....

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    2. I was just feeling so awful for a friend and felt like...man...people don't even know the real story here, but they are making up their own conclusion. My mama bear instincts wanted to jump out for her. They say it takes a village....

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  3. It makes me sad to see so many moms shaming each other. It shouldn't be that way.

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    1. So judgy!! You can just tell that moms are so concerned with the backlash of a post, or the perception people might have. It's crazy!!

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  4. I totally never picked up on that by the way. To each her own right? And she got there and it was of no concern! No need to stress about something like that. I agree with everything you said a 110%. I personally don't get it. I judge in a ton of ways don't get me wrong but when it comes to another mom? It ain't my business and I don't know their kid. Everyone has their "thing".

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  5. I don't get the judging. If the kid is healthy, loved, fed, and well cared for then why do we even have stick our noses in it!? Emma used to stutter as a toddler, people would always say we should have "it" checked out. But I knew it was just because she was so excited to say something, her pedi was never concerned. Not my circus, not my monkey's.

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  6. Mom shaming is the worst!!! It is so important to support and not judge.

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  7. "Why should she? She just looks at you and you move" I LOL'd so hard. Sometimes you need that witty little insight to put things into perspective. For what it's worth, I think you're a great mom!

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  8. I feel the same way! I hate that on mom facebook pages people have to start with "no judgement please" I don't know why people can't just have a to each his own attitude!

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    1. I know, I hate when moms feel the need to clarify everything just so they don't get some kind of backlash. So sad!

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