I'm a parental impostor

Oct 14, 2015

I think I am just now feeling like I'm getting into my groove for the week. Is that bad since the week is just about over? But Chris was gone for five days which included the weekend, therefore there was no weekend in my eyes. And lets just say it was a rough one. Nothing terrible happened. Except for my minimal loss of sanity, but what else is new?

Here is what I am learning, as the kids get older it is harder when Chris leaves. Is that a revelation? No. But when they were younger they had no concept of time, so even when Chris would be gone for months they never really knew. After the first couple days life just went on as normal, and the questions as to where dad was would draw down a bit. Now? Ace knows the days of the week. He jumps up on the counter and points to the calendar. He counts down, he tells me what time of day it is just about every minute of the day. Interrogating me on just when dad will be home. When Chris is not here, I do not cut it in the favorite parent department. But this time I was determined to to make them say dad who?
Is parenting a competition? No. I'd like to think of it as a theatrical performance, and well, the show must go on. So I asked the kids what they wanted to do over the weekend. They said go to the park. Well there was non stop rain, but I said eff it! Dad would totally take you to a wet park and let you play. We loaded up, I packed changes of clothes, snacks, and we drove to a new park. Once we got there, there were just puddles everywhere. The sandbox was primed for mud wrestling. The slides were extra slick. And my mom radar went off saying DANGER DANGER DO NOT ENTER. I have done many many ER visits alone, and today I was just not feelin that. So I told those sad dad-less kiddos that it probably wasn't safe. Cue the drama. 

But you said.....

You are no fun....

Dad would let us....

Why did you bring us here then..... (I DON'T KNOW)

That is what happens when I try and be the fun parent. All rational thinking goes out the window. Or does it? I quickly rallied and said, "hey what if we head back towards the house and I will let you jump in all those big puddles behind the house?". It was cold so I figured let them jump and then get them right inside. They took the bait. We headed back, I released them from their car harnesses and we walked and jumped in every puddle within a 1/2 mile radius of the house. They were soaked. They were laughing. They were dare I say having fun with mom.
And that's when it happens folks. The curse of mom. I had to then go from being oh so super fun, to bringing the hammer down when Ace and Pierce started to fight. There was pushing, there was splashing of water in ones face. There were not so nice words. I had to bring out the mom voice and say "guys if you can't get it together we are going home". Then the talking back came.

No, we are not going home....

I don't want to play with him anymore....

Don't talk to me....

It went on and on which led me to the inevitable trek back home with the minions protesting behind me. 

I want dad...

You and me both. 

We got home and dried off and took a little break. A couple kids napped and then I realized I was down to two baby diapers. So off we went to Target. They started in with their, can I have a toy? No. How about one from the dollar section? No. We just came for diapers. 

You are no fun....

I know. They were pouting and dragging their feet through the store. Then that irrational mom voice came back, "okay here's the deal, if we can just get the diapers and get out of here in one piece I will take you to get ice cream". Cue all the fan girl cheers! 

So off we went to the ice cream place. They were so excited. They grabbed their bowls and began to dispense more ice cream than I wanted to pay for, and obviously more than they could eat. But I had my fun parent hat on. Get all the ice cream. Get all the toppings. Party mom is in the house!
We sat down to eat it and took up more than half the seats in the little ice cream place. The looks from the teen couples getting ice cream where in full effect. Their parents can thank me because I gave them the real deal out of health class 101 on birth control. 

The kids were actually great in the place. But then came time to leave. Pierce will definitely be the person who is the last to leave at the party. He was not having it. I only had one arm to wrangle him with since I was holding the baby. Then Avalon dropped her ice cream cup. Ace was holding the door saying come on. Pierce was like, nope I like this song I want to stay. Avalon was mourning the loss of her vanilla ice cream on the floor. I was like....damn you fun parent shit. 

We managed to compose ourselves enough for a walk of shame to the car. Once I got them all buckled in I sat there and thought.....

This mom as a fun parent thing is overrated, and I feel a tad bit bipolar.

Even though Chris was not in the vicinity of Alaska he was still the prized parent. The kids talked non-stop about dads race. Did dad run his race yet? (Talking about the Army Ten Miler event). Dad is so fast! Did he win? When I get bigger I want to be as fast as dad! Mom, how come you don't run in races?

Mom doesn't run.
But big shout out to the Alaska Ten Miler team who did great at the event. And to Chris for being the ultimate fast and fun parent. We are proud of your athletic ability and I am even more proud to put it to good use this weekend because I am going to impress you all with my amazing sitting and not moving ability.

Signed,

The wannabe fun parent.




13 comments:

  1. Hahaha this post is awesome. I think I am more the "fun parent" in our house, letting Tori (2.5) test her skills with walking around Costco by herself.. pushing the cart, etc.. and then we had a day like yesterday where she skipped her nap, I tried to still be the fun parent and let her walk around the store.. and well, we left after 5 minutes, cart in the middle of the store with no groceries bought. Little terror. Congrats to your husband. Im not a runner. I keep saying its something I am going to take up before I turn 30. Because its what 30 year olds do, right? :)

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    1. HA! If that is what 30 year old do, I am doomed!! Chris already has a leg up so he should be fine. LOL ;)

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  2. Haha I love this post! You are a fun parent, don't forget that!

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    1. HAHA! Sometimes I feel pretty fun, and then other time I feel like all I do is say NO! ;)

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  3. Bahahahahahahahaha! I love this. "Free birth control." LOLOLOLOL My vagina squeezed itself shut.

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  4. This is hysterical and awesome and I'm saving it for one day when I am for sure going to be the Hitler of all parents who lays the smackdown at all times.

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  5. I cannot believe that you even tried. It's just something that a mom like us cannot do. We can't turn off that part of our brain. And as soon as we do the kids know it and turn on us and shit hits the fan. Sigh. Go Chris though.

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  6. Ha!! I have resigned myself to not being the fun parent. Sure we have fleeting moments of fun, but I'm the taskmaster, the enforcer. Lol Even when he punishes them, they like him more. But after a year remote, I get it. I'd find the fun one too.

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    1. I know!!! Even when he puts them in time out, or takes something away they still look at him with a twinkle in their eye. I do it....and all hell breaks loose! haha

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  7. They sure look like they were having fun jumping in the puddles.

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  8. Wait.... Did I write this post?! This is the story of my fucking life. Drives me up the wall, but I keep on trying anyway. John can keep the title..!

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  9. Ugh, I'm always the not fun parent too. Curse of the moms I guess.
    Good job on the 10 miler for Chris!

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  10. I peed my pants laughing at this post. I wish I had actually read it on Wednesday when you posted it because I was having a horrible parenting day (and I only have one!) and this would have helped tremendously.

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