thoughts from the school pick up line

Aug 29, 2016

Sitting in the school pick up line is where I spend a lot of time these days. I watch the clock at home and pack up my other children, currently not being educated outside of casa de crazy. And we set out on our daily journey. It is all too familiar seeing as how we were there just this morning. And on certain days, just a few hours ago picking up Pierce. The school pick up line was all new to me this year, since last year in Alaska we hand walked our children through sixty feet of snow, up mountains, down glaciers, and ended on ice skates. Dramatic much? Maybe, but nothing could prepare me for the invisible pressures of the school pick up line. 

I thought I would share some of the things that go on inside my head while I am in this line. 
Ahh! Made it. Girls are sleeping, I grabbed a coffee, this is going to be good. 

Wait, am I late? Maybe I shouldn't have stopped for a coffee. Why are there 45 cars here already? I'm late. Damn it, I knew I should have just let Avalon leave with two different shoes on. 

Wait, wait, wait! I'm still early. 10 minutes early. 

And are those the same few cars at the front I saw early today? Why do they line up two hours early? There is no way they just sit there for two hours. They must be conducting a book club in one of those minivans. Or better yet, watching a movie together. I bet they have popcorn and shit in there too. I mean, there is just no way they spend two hours waiting to pick up their little angels. 

Oh, well. I sure as hell didn't get an invite to the parking lot party. Not that I would go, but I'd like the opportunity to decline via Evite. 

What's the rush to pick up little Johnny first anyway? It's not like after they get out they just set them free. 

Maybe it is one of those, if you're not first you're last kind of things. 

I don't know what I would do if I was first in line. Probably have a panic attack. Looking around thinking, no....this can't be. How could this honor have been bestowed upon me. I would probably look around like, clearly this is a mistake. Was it a half day? Have my children been sitting in some office because their mother had no idea it was a half day? Maybe I should circle the block and wait for the other minivans to get here. So much pressure on being that first car. It's like you set the tone for the whole line. 

Nope. No thank you. 

Besides, Ace wants some time to talk to his friends. They play that little game, oh what's it called?

I have no idea, but they move their feet and I can see them all laughing. How dare I deprive him of that level of fun? It's selfish really.

Oh is that person waving at me? Do I know them? I'll just wave back.

Nope, don't know them. Why are they walking towards my car? This is the longest ten minutes of my life. Oh they are getting closer.

Great they just walked to the car behind me. So I waved liked a middle school girl at a complete stranger. That's the problem with these lines, man. It's a hurry up and wait effect and then you are just desperate for it all to end.

Oh thank the school bell gods I see children. Okay, let's go let's go let's go. Get those cars in drive people! Have those minivan doors open and ready.

We're moving. I see Ace. So close.

Damn it the lady with the walkie talkie didn't get my number. F***. Come on Ace see my car and just get up.

He did! Yes!

opens car door

How was your day?


Did you have fun?


Did you learn anything?


Great! So I sit in this high stress situation for nothing.


  1. Oh my god I thought of you today! My first car line! The teacher told me to be there at 2:15, I was there at 2:09 and the line was wrapped around almost out into the road. I was panicked. Like shit what have I done!? Then there was the awkward well I don't see anyone else have their car sign hanging down? But mine was. So I felt like the uncool kid. I suck.

  2. Amen and amen! I am always waving to people who aren't waving to me, after school pick up is cray cray, and my son learns and does 'nothing' at school all day, too!

    1. Right? I mean I remember saying that to my mom and she would get so mad, like what do you mean you did nothing? LOL! It's all coming full circle.



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